I realized the other day that I haven’t bought new pillows since I moved into my very first apartment 4 years ago. Depressing and maybe even a little disgusting.
Like most adult, post-college tasks (dating, medical insurance, taxes), picking out new pillows overwhelmed me. THERE ARE SO MANY CHOICES. But at my new yoga school we’ve been focusing on spring. On awakening, growing, trying new things, reaching out to the universe, etc.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard I am on myself; how very unforgiving I am to myself for ridiculously minor things, while I will forgive basically everyone else immediately, even if what they have done is really horrible. I hold myself back from really enjoying things and growing as a person by obsessing over what the right thing to do is.
I’m ready to grow out of that, I think.
Anyway, I was at Meijer yesterday and I saw pillows and instead of obsessing over which one was the right one (like I do with dating/medical insurance/taxes/everything), I just bought some.
Maybe it’s weird, but I felt really empowered by buying these pillows. I had to know myself (that I’m a stomach sleeper, that I prefer hypoallergenic pillows, and that I would rather have cotton filling than down) and put myself first.
Having nice, new pillows is a luxury; not something that is strictly necessary. Nobody needs 7 pillows on their bed. Most of the time, if I can live without something, (manicures, new clothes, $40 dinners) I will, because that’s how I was raised. Maybe it’s a “first generation out-of-poverty” thing. When I do indulge, I feel this incredible amount of guilt (I could have used that money to feed hungry kids in Malawi/pay off my car/add to my emergency fund!). So much so that I don’t even enjoy the indulgence.
When I bought these pillows, I didn’t allow myself to feel guilty. I just bought them.
And I just love them.